I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize