The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You made out with two different species that night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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