I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
