Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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