Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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