im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
