after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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