I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize