i was born a porn star she said
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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