i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
