So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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