(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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