I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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