While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
