I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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