I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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