morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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