Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I enjoy the company of your penis
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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