nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
