I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I want her autograph on my taint
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
