So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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