She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
