I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
