Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
