So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
