As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
