you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
