I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
