Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
You smell like stripper and shame
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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