Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
