That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
