the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
