hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
