this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
