Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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