I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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