called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
