At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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