I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
there is glitter all over my balls
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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