Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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