I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
this beer tastes like vomit already
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
