and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
