My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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