I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Randomize
