Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
