There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Randomize
