Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
