I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Randomize
