How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Of course I have a pirate flag
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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