I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize