I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
