This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
