We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
