omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need to calm my uterus...
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