When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
