Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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