Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
