don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
