im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
i think my cat just said my name.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
