I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
