I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
