Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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