That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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