and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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