Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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