I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
