There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
