so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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