I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
In America we eat man semen.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
