Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
