You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
