What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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