I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
