that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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