Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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