He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
